How to Handle Provocations

© COPYRIGHT 2008 BY BRADLEY J. STEINER - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Sword and Pen – November 2008 Issue
[Reprinted With Permission]

American Combato
Seattle Combatives

NOTICE AND DISCLAIMER: WE ARE NOT A LAWYER, AND NEITHER THE FOLLOWING EDITORIAL NOR ANY OTHER ADVICE GIVEN IN THIS PUBLICATION SHOULD BE CONSTRUED AS "LEGAL ADVICE". THIS IS STRICTLY PERSONAL OPINION AND PERSONAL ADVICE — NO MORE!

TROUBLEMAKERS come in all ages, sizes, and shapes. And they come in both genders. Decent, responsible, reasonable, non troublesome human beings are often inconvenienced, annoyed, harassed, threatened, insulted, taunted, bothered, and even attacked physically by these subhuman creatures.

It generally begins in childhood with bullies (who more often than not include one or more of those miserable excuses for "teachers" whom the public school system indifferently foists upon him, in addition to those inevitable scummy contemporaries, amongst whom — in the PRISON that is the public school system — the child finds himself obliged to remain until late adolescence). The burden of dealing with troublesome human garbage never really ends — although usually the problem of physical bullying gives way to socioeconomic predation, which — in the guise of "adults" — a wide variety of "human" debris continue to indulge gleefully, until or unless stopped cold, which, sadly, they rarely if ever are. Many forms of living filth actually gravitate to occupations (ie "super salespeople", lawyers, schoolteachers, office managers, politicians, rogue cops, bureaucrats, etc.) that encourage and reward the scummiest, most evil and despicably vile characteristics of which homo sapiens are capable.

Whoever you are, wherever you live, whatever you do for a living, and however reasonable, fair-minded, and peacefully directed in your daily behavior you may endeavor to be, it is almost a 100% certainty that, from time to time — if not frequently — you will be subject to the provocative belligerence and encroachments of others into your life; or at least you will be subjected to others' attempts to provoke you in countless ways. That's part of the human condition.
"Self-defense" is much more than being able to squash a mugger like a paper cup. It is that, to be sure; but it is much, much more, besides. And in our teaching we have always tried to arm and to equip our students with the necessary know-how to cope with the myriad pre-violent situations that arise daily. These are situations in which it is often (not always, but often) possible to diffuse the onset of hostilities by recognizing what is happening, and by saying or doing just the thing that is necessary to avoid physical trouble.

Today's society consists of a large number of individuals who have been raised with all sorts of disgusting and irrational beliefs — from "if it feels good, do it", to "situational ethics". These organisms (one really cannot regard them as genuinely "human") FEEL. Having abandoned their minds long ago, they drift on each impulse and flicker of emotion that manifests at the moment — and if they feel like lashing out — verbally or physically — they simply do it. If they "want" to make a snide or derogatory or intrusive or sarcastic, or disrespectful or offensive comment, they make it. Responsibility? Well . . . for organisms that drift as these do, responsibility is simply refused. YOU are to blame. They never are. YOU did the wrong thing. They never do the wrong thing. And besides — "What difference does it make? Why are YOU making such a fuss?" Ad nauseum. "I can do what I feel like doing, dude!" sums up the creature's philosophy.

We suspect that you understand. And we are certain that you can relate.

Here's the thing: It is necessary and desirable to learn beforehand how to handle these obnoxiously repulsive swine, for your own sake. You do not want trouble — certainly not with today's legal system — and if you consider the matter of how to handle provocations and provocative members of our species before you find yourself suddenly in the sights of one of these worms, you may be able to make your own life a lot more trouble free, and a lot less exasperating, by managing your encounter with this scum in a manner that enables you to disengage. Then again, should your predicament ever prove to be one in which the provocation cannot be diffused and avoided, but where the troublemaker insists upon physically violating you . . . well, you'll be fully prepared to do whatever you must.

Verbal provocations:

The law nowhere in the United States of America, as far as we are aware, allows a person to react with physical violence to mere words. Thus, while you very well might in your view (and perhaps in ours, too) be completely justified morally in beating some piece of foul-mouthed street dung into a coma for hurling obscenities at your wife or daughter, you will not (as far as we know) be legally justified in doing so. We therefore counsel that you NEVER permit yourself to become physical in such a situation, no matter how provocative the gutter monkey who taunts you may be. Personally, we would never, ever raise a hand against anyone over mere words, and we hope that we can persuade you to emulate our example.

Because almost anyone would feel at least some urge to physically thrash a mouthy bastard who permitted himself free verbal reign, and who belched out profane or obscene or otherwise offensive epithets or insulting garbage — especially toward someone for whom one cared — one must exercise the effort to establish, ahead of any such incident, a clear and inviolate mandate NOT TO PERMIT ONESELF ANY PHYSICAL LATITUDE, should such an unpleasant event occur.

Ahead of time, understand?

Believe us: It will be too late to decide on the spot if and when you have never given the matter any prior thought. The sudden expression of an unprovoked insult can easily — in some cases — produce an almost reflexive response from a person, directed toward the initiator of the remark. A hard and long day, hot weather, bills piling up, a recent fight at home or in the office, etc., could easily make the remark a "last straw" — and that last straw can prove very, very costly if it triggers what is later determined to be an illegal act of violence on your part.

Here is the rule for ANY AND ALL situations in which another individual directly or indirectly expresses anything verbally offensive, quite possibly to provoke you: Stay your hand! Never become physical. Never threaten to become physical. Go to mental condition "orange" (ie the alerted state, ready to take action immediately if the verbally offensive creature initiates actual violence). But, unless an attack becomes imminent, remain physically NON AGGRESSIVE!

We would also recommend, if you can do so under the circumstances prevailing at the time, leaving the area where the offensive creature is. Disengage! Even if you have a "right" to remain where you are, it is in our personal opinion wisest to leave. Sometimes this may not be possible (ie in your home, in your own office, etc.); but please — for your own and for your loved ones' sake, not for the sake of the swinish creature! — remove yourself physically from the vicinity if you can.

On no account get caught up in a verbal argument or in an insult-hurling match with some piece of garbage, since this could precipitate violence, and that's what you should be striving to avoid.

NOTE: We offer the following commentary regarding our own long-standing personal philosophy, with hopes that it will help our readers: We have never regarded others as being in any sense truly "significant" to us, insofar as our opinion of ourself is concerned — ie our self-respect, or — if you prefer the modern buzzword — our "self-esteem". We are rooted and anchored in our self. We are genuinely, permanently, and completely indifferent to how any individuals, save our few good friends and our intimates, might feel or think about us. And no one who thinks poorly of us would, or ever could, become or remain a "friend" or an "intimate".

In those few instances when others might try to attack us verbally or (since we are a fairly well-known writer) in print, the ONLY thing that angers us or arouses our serious contempt toward the speaker/writer is our understanding of that creature's MOTIVE. His words are as bland as a dial tone, and have no force or meaning whatever. What we do note, and the thing for which we forever write off such an organism as being unforgivable, contaminated filth, is the fact that we appreciate and understand the malice behind the words. Thus we celebrate and take great satisfaction in coming to understand, in such instances, that here is one creature who has, as far as we are concerned, made his potential for toxicity known to us, and now we (figuratively speaking, of course!) flush him down the toilet.

Perhaps our view will help someone out there, and alleviate any unfortunate error that some reader may tend to make in personalizing any slime's verbal "slings and arrows".

It was one of our great teachers and friends, Dr. Albert Ellis, who would routinely tell people at his talks on psychology and personal development: "You have to learn how to take a lot of shit." Thanks to the good Dr. Ellis we did learn how — in our late teens — and it has made us a happier, more relaxed, self-satisfied, and UNAFFECTABLE individual. So long as the s— is verbal, we couldn't care less. Our psychological state is such that we are simply non receptive to that which is said.

Minor physical annoyances:

This can get a little dicey.

Sometimes a serious attack can be initiated by the attacker's doing something that is, initially, hardly any danger or real physical threat, at all. (An example is an incident years ago, in Florida. A young girl was approached by a murderer/rapist at a carwash. (The surveillance camera picked up the incident, and readers may recall having seen this on the evening news at the time). The voices cannot be heard, but we see the killer merely walk calmly up to the girl, say something, and then gently take her arm. He then leads the poor girl away. The two walk in a relaxed manner, with only the most superficial "hold" on the child's arm in place. She was later raped and murdered. The scum who did it was caught and, if we remember correctly, sentenced to death. So it is NOT our intention here to say that you ought only react with great violence to that which is obviously and clearly at the moment of its occurrence a lethal threat, per se. We know quite enough about violence and about violent crime and troublemakers' modus operandi to understand that ANY physical act initiated against someone might be life-threatening, or at the very least, dangerous.

What we wish to convey here is a strong recommendation not to take any physical action at all IF you know and understand that you are dealing merely with some minor physical pest. We know all about "control holds", "pressure points", and all of the other methods of "putting a pest in his place". But in today's climate of flagrant irrationality and litigious insanity we urge that, if confronted by such a nuisance (at the office, at a social gathering, etc.) you simply shrug it off. Take every step to avoid the moron, of course. But do not take physical action unless you truly have a sense that you might be hurt by him.

Once, in junior high school, we applied a simple response ( a ju-jutsu throw) to a fool whom we knew, who tried squeezing our hand powerfully when he shook it. The technique worked beautifully! It "cured" this acquaintance's nasty little urge to show off at our expense, but things were a lot different in the late 1950's. Also, things were and still are a lot different between young boys in middle school who horse around, and adults (who, today, routinely sue each other, and in general behave like out of control horse's asses). If someone squeezes your hand at a party or at the office, just tell him to stop. (If he doesn't, sue him! HAH!)

Seriously . . . especially in the case of a trained combative arts student, it is ridiculous and unnecessary to get physical with a pest. Remember, however, this does not mean that you restrain yourself if you are set upon by someone whose motives and character you do not know, and whose initial attack is — in and of itself — relatively mild (ie a clothing grab, wrist or arm grab, shove, etc.). Neither an expert in close combat nor anyone else in the world has any obligation to suffer anyone's hands on him (or her), and the proper response to the threat of serious bodily injury is — OVERWHELMING VIOLENCE, we hope applied skillfully, decisively, and well, the second it is needed!

Threats:

There is a big difference between someone simply calling you a "lousy mother—!" and someone actually threatening you by saying that he's going to beat you or kill you, etc., or possibly harm a member of your family, or damage your property, etc.
Any time anyone threatens you or someone you love with physical harm, CALL THE POLICE AND MAKE A FORMAL COMPLAINT. Often, due to sheer laziness or indifference, the police will try to persuade you simply to "call them if the person ever does anything" so that "they will then be able to take action". They may not encourage you to file a formal complaint (after all, they have to go to the trouble of writing it out). FILE IT ANYWAY! INSIST! Get the officer's name, number, and complaint file number, who fills out the complaint for you. This is important! (Also, make a record of the date and the time of the call. ALL 911 calls are recorded and may be used later in court, as evidence!).

If the scum that threatened you or yours ever actually undertakes to make good his threat and you — properly — crunch him out of fear for what he intends to do, you want that official police report on record, and a sworn officer's testimony that PROVES you had prior reason to FEAR the individual whom you defended yourself against!

Showing up at the scene where you have dropped some creature justifiably, the police who respond have no way of knowing who is and who is not the "victim" and/or the "attacker". REFERRING TO YOUR PRIOR FORMAL COMPLAINT AND REPORT WILL GO A LONG WAY TOWARD ESTABLISHING YOUR "MANTLE OF INNOCENCE" IN THE EYES OF THE LAW. And this is important!

While it may be true that most threats amount, in the final analysis, to "mere noise", not all threats are empty and meaningless. The one directed against you or against someone you love may well be one of the exceptions. REPORT IT TO THE POLICE! Take no chances.

NOTE: For the record, we must say that there are many fine police officers who will gladly assist any decent citizen in taking whatever steps he lawfully is able to take to have the system on that decent citizen's side. Our perhaps "angry tone" earlier in speaking of the reluctance that is sometimes encountered when asking for help from the authorities is intended merely to assist readers in coping with such an eventuality IF such should ever occur, in any particular reader's case.

Physical assault:

We are not going to discuss the matter of "battery" (ie of direct force being applied by an offender) since, obviously, the only sensible way to deal with that form of "provocation" is to drop the batterer where he stands, using every ounce of decisive and merciless force you can generate! When someone initiates controlling or injurious violence it is time to ACT. Neither restraint nor avoidance is any longer appropriate to the circumstance. Now it is WAR!

The onset of apparent violence ("assault") must also, in our opinion, be met with decisive force, in all but the most obvious exceptional instances. Violence in any form should not be taken lightly. When it appears clear to you that someone intends to hurt you and is capable of injuring you, and when he has the obvious opportunity to hurt you, DROP HIM!

Use no more force than is necessary to decisively render your assailant harmless, and by all means stop once you are in no more danger; but do not hesitate for a fraction of a second if or when someone makes it clear that he intends to injure you. You have the opportunity for a moment to pre-empt him, and to do so with the element of surprise in your favor. You will never get that opportunity again if you fail to act, or if your action is less than decisive.

Often, the matter of when the techniques of personal combat ought properly to be brought into play is not dealt with adequately (if at all) in a martial arts program. Beyond the legalities (which ONLY a lawyer can address with authority and reliability) we feel that there is the matter of common sense and plain good judgment.

We hope that we have encouraged our readers to exercise both.

Bradley J. Steiner