The roommate & I spent a few hours on the deck last night talking about various subjects. The inevitable topic of careers always comes up though. He certainly isn’t happy in his current position. The hours are too long. There are enough managers over him that he has less control over projects than he should, yet naturally, he is the one who is ultimately responsible for their completion. That’s an equation for frustration and failure if there ever was one. I’ve all but given up on attempting convincing him to look elsewhere. I suppose that given the current economic environment, looking at changing jobs may not be a wise decision in his case. He has tenure there & looks upon it as an investment. I can appreciate this attitude… to a degree. When it begins to slowly kill you, the priorities need to change. No job is worth that.
When setting on the back deck of our house, you can see the aircraft on the flight patterns from SeaTac, Boeing Field, Auburn, Renton & McChord AFB. There are always planes flying over. This got us onto the topic of piloting; more specifically of obtaining ones private pilot license. He was unaware that this is one of the things I have considered doing eventually. It’s all part of my reinvention. Provided I manage to reach the other goals of entering the Executive Protection field and working and living abroad, I thought that having the ability to pilot fixed wing aircraft (at least) would be of great benefit.
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From a practical perspective, Brazil is a massive country, roughly twice the acreage as Australia. As a result of the sheer size, there are serviceable airports in every medium to major town & city. Flight is the most practical method of transportation from one portion of the country to another. There is a highway system… but unlike the Unites States, there aren’t gas stations conveniently located. There are stretches of BR 174 & BR 230 where one could travel several hundreds of miles between cidades. Some of the highways are more "developed" than others.
Having the option of travelling by air versus motor-vehicle could be a significant benefit, not only for personal travel… but specifically for close protection work. Along with having the scuba and sky diving training this is yet another skill that I can see myself utilizing on the job. I don’t feel that I would want to be relegated to being a full-time pilot, but I do see the functionality of having the skills when they became necessary. The logistics & security issues involved in driving a motorcade could be negated somewhat y providing the flying option. Of course, given the size of an operation & the varying distance of travel required, private airlines with larger aircraft would then to be the norm. Still, the opportunities will likely present themselves with smaller teams & operations, not only in Brazil & Latin American but elsewhere.
Something else we discussed, though not at any great length, was how these recent decisions of mine are not at all "like me". This is more his verbal observation than mine, thought he has mentioned this before and I have attempted to discuss it in more detail. There is a stimulus behind it and I am now beginning to understand it more fully. I will admit that this is an enormous undertaking for me. I’m not yet overwhelmed by it. I must say that I feel more resolved than anything else. I am simply trying to be candid and take stock of myself.
I’ve posted regarding this before. When I look at my life, and more specifically the last several years, what I find is a glaring omission. Ask yourself; is there a point where one has an expectation of true reward and satisfaction from ones career? Does a person have an obligation to themselves and to others to be truthful in their pursuit of their passion? I’m not referring to something that someone accepts as a hobby… “This is what I do apart from my real job.” I am referring to a skill set or an ability that one would normally pursue as a career. I am talking about something that can satiate ones sense of accomplishment AND serve as their income.
Aside from those in the military & law enforcement, I myself have met very few people who actually had a “career”. I suspect that most of them have… a “job”. Perhaps none of these people have a true passion for such activities. From a personal perspective, a career isn’t represented by the amount of time ones spends in a line or work, or a field of vocation. A person could work as a fry cook for a decade and I would not consider that a career. I would consider it a job and the fact that the person has remained in such a position without venturing into another line of employment could say many things about them. Maybe they have no other skills. Maybe they have no motivation to gain other skills. Perhaps they just enjoy being a fry cook.
A career is essentially a life-style. One is motivated to continually adapt their skills. So the fry cook would envision work beyond the line kitchen and of perhaps someday being a chef in a five-star restaurant. For the individual who remains in their static state, they have a “job”. A job is not something that they were drawn to. It is something that they… do. They do it because they can secure employment with the skills that they currently possess. Most importantly, they are satisfied not only with the skills they currently possess, but with their station. I doubt that any person filling such a station is truly passionate about what they do. Realistically, these people may not be passionate about ANYTHING in their lives.
For several years I was convinced that the path I wished to take would lead me to type of job in the technology field. I envisioned myself as a computer technician, a software developer or a network administrator or engineer. Each of these positions interested me for a while. However, it was not until recently that I understood precisely why. These jobs appealed to me because of my exposure to that environment. I was influenced by my surroundings to a significant level. Naturally, the vocations that I was accustomed to working around would be attractive. It wasn’t that I actually wanted to any of these jobs. I was simply responding to a natural result of exposure and to a more significant level, convenience. It was also incredibly unimaginative. I’m certain that I was influenced as much by my friends as for any other reason. The majority of them had worked for the same companies and in similar vocations as I. They also made the progression into various technology-related jobs.
I became ever more frustrated as I experimented with various paths into the industry. I now feel that I understand why I was in such a state. I plainly did not want to work within that sctructure. What I had interpreted as a genuine interest was nothing more than my following a dullard’s instinct toward ignorance. I was following the crowd and with the rise in availability and pay of technology employees I thought that this was what I wanted to do. Sadly, I’ve wasted a decade thanks to this mindset.
Several posts ago I mentioned the auto accident. I’ve probably mentioned it more than once here. That may have played a significant role in my re-evaluating my circumstances and my path. It may have only been a catalyst for me. The exhaustion brought on by the treatment schedule was a factor as was the physical (and likely psychological) shock of the event. I had less interest in my job than ever before. In fairness, I do think that I was operating at about 40% based on my previous performance on that contract. I was essentially useless after the accident. I think that the only way I could have been less efficient at my job was to simply quit coming in. I’m surprised that they didn’t fire me.
Once that contract was over and I continued to heal, I had time to appraise my state of affairs. I did not verbalize my perspective on life… but I am certain that the trauma was an overriding influence on how I viewed everything. The more I looked at current events and my state, the more disinterested I became in continuing down the path that I was on. After all, I had not even chosen it. For the first time in my life I began to ask myself why I was taking that particular direction. I began to understand how one becomes mesmerized by futile distraction and addicted to excusing failure.
The danger of such behavior comes to its own when one comprehends the amount of time that has been wasted in blame and unfulfilled desires. The exercising of such deeds leads to a dead end. With many, there is a bitterness that builds and ends relationships. It is this dishonesty that we all must confront. It is dishonesty to all, but most importantly to us. This is what separates those who do from those who do not.
I want to be one who does! I want to take life and manage its course, no longer allowing myself to be washed downstream on the path of flotsam. At this late point in my life I feel I have one last occasion to direct my own providence. We are all ultimately the controllers of our own destiny. Few things are written. Few things are chance.
Is “passion” a prerequisite for a career? If it is then I am in the wrong field of employment. I can certainly see that some people within this industry feel that certain about their interests and their path. I don’t know if they’re being honest… but such a conclusion is beyond my responsibility. I don’t even care. That is the issue. I am the one who needs to find their ardor. I cannot remain as I am or I will cease to be alive. There’s nothing for me here other than a replication of previous episodes. There are DECADES of previous episodes in my life. If I endeavor to do better than survive things have got to change!
It's to this end that I have made the decision to completely change the direction of my life. For once I am going to follow through on something that could remake who and what I am. It may be that I merely discover someone that I was not aware of. There are portions of this obsession that I still do not understand. I myself cannot fully explain the seemingly instantaneous change that I have undergone. There are still things that I need to accomlish and motivation is a constant struggle but to have my own path to follow is something new.
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